As coaches, we generally have a terrible tendency to coach in the same manner in which we were coached. We are often a generation or two ahead of our students, yet we expect them to respond to the same coaching style that we grew accustomed to many moons ago.
When our students don’t respond in the way we expect, or handle the criticism the way we once did, we get frustrated and complain how this current generation just aren’t tough enough or are too lazy and apathetic.
Last year, my 10-year-old son had a truly wonderful soccer coach. He wasn’t yelling and screaming on the sidelines, he wasn’t kicking the ground or waving his arms about when a kid made a mistake. Instead, he would give precise instructions when play broke down and the ball went out of bounds, or he would bring a kid aside and give him some quiet feedback. In other words, he wasn’t conforming to how we think a coach is supposed to act.
The other parents on our team would see the opposing coach screaming and yelling and ask why our coach wasn’t doing the same. They felt like he was too subdued and not giving enough instructions to the players. I wanted to tell them that he was probably the best coach their kid would ever have, but I have learned to keep my mouth shut at the soccer fields!
I have spent the past 12 years surrounded by high performance coaches not only within my own sport of tennis, but also in Athletic Departments with coaches of over 20 different sports. Now as a parent, I am observing youth coaches while also constantly questioning my own coaching style and productivity.
In my opinion, society in general has a very odd definition of success. There are numerous books out there from “winning” coaches with zero integrity, yet we glorify them as heroes just like we extol the CEO’s of giant corporations that are polluting the planet. I define successful coaches as those who make the biggest impact on their athletes, not by how many games they have won.
Don’t get me wrong, winning is an important element of an athlete’s overall experience at all levels, but most kids are never going to play in college or in the pros. I have no idea how many games my son’s team won last year, and I frankly don’t care, but I do know that this coach had a tremendous impact on my child and I will be forever grateful. He will never write a book or be interviewed on television but his influence is going to last a lifetime. Now that, in my opinion, is success!
Explore your coaching style and philosophy and how it has been influenced. Just because a certain style worked for you when you were a young athlete, does not mean it is beneficial for the current athletes you are teaching. Be true to yourself and your personality, not some Hollywood version of how a coach is supposed to act.
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