The “Crazy” Tennis Parents
Todd Widom
To become a high-level collegiate tennis player or professional, many times there are tough parents or “crazy” tennis parents as some would say, involved in the process.
I believe in tough love, which does not mean that you beat down the child mentally, but you explain and expect that certain things need to be done properly, and if they are not, there are consequences.
Isn’t that what life is about? As a parent, if you make a big mistake at work, you may get fired. If a player in college tennis makes a big mistake, they may get fired as well, which means thrown off the team and in some respects, thrown out of school.
The beauty of tennis is that regardless of the child’s tennis level, you learn so many more important and beneficial skills that you will transfer over to other aspects of your life when you decide to hang your rackets up competitively. It takes a team between the coach and parents to develop a great tennis player. There usually is a monumental driving force behind the athlete and it usually involves a “crazy” parent.
Many coaches do not want to deal with the “crazy” tennis parents, but I can tell you from experience that having parents who are soft and do not expect much from their kids will get a tennis player without much ambition a significantly reduced chance to reach their potential. I like tough tennis parents who expect excellence from their child, because that is what this sport requires.
If becoming the best you can be is your goal, remember, the apple never falls far from the tree, so do not forget that high-level tennis is a game of toughness and many times, that toughness comes from a tough parent, coach, or both.
Lastly, in lieu of “crazy” tennis parent, I prefer to use the term “dedicated and disciplined” parent. Success takes dedication, discipline and ambition from all involved.
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Phrase “Be the best you can be” is what’s wrong with American tennis. Is top 10 in Florida best you can be? Top 100 nationally? Number 1 in the world or your club? Lines are blurred. In Russia we say “one makes lame soldier, if he does not want to be a general”.
Every single top player in top 30 was dreaming of becoming #1 in the world. But there is only one #1. You do the math. Disagree with “Be the best you can be”. Unrealistic and does not work. Breads mediocre players.
In my opinion, being the best you can be is a never ending pursuit to try to improve and nothing will hold you back. You push through any barrier which could be mental or physical.
I have never been motivated to respond to an article before, however I am not an advocate of ‘tough love’ in junior tennis or indeed any junior sport. Attending many junior tournaments over the years I have witnessed the unpleasant side of ‘crazy’ tennis parents. Children publicly humiliated to the point of tears the moment they walk off court after a defeat, children left to make their own way home or pushed around by a parent. I think the role of the tennis parent is to be the facilitator; ensuring the child gets to training, tournaments on time, has food, proper equipment etc. The drive, passion for tennis and the will to succeed has to come from the child – they are the one walking out on to the court. The role of the parent is exactly that, to be a parent. I have seen too many children with parents where discipline turns into authoritarianism or the parents live their life by proxy -as soon as these children are big enough and strong enough to stand up to their parents they quit tennis.
I think some objectivity is required. There are no Russian in the top 50 ATP, and a few Russians in the top 100 WTA, the best one being Maria Sharapova who has trained in the US almost all of her life. There are many things wrong with American tennis is undoubtedly true. But, instilling the notion of kill to be a general, comes mostly from closed societies where people have few choices and therefore that psyche is actually reasonable and logical. IN a place like America where kids have many choices and there is no need to “kill” to be a general, the psyche is different. Spanish players, who are the most in the top 100, have no “kill ” to be a general attitude, mentality or need. This is mostly from eastern countries where freedom is tough to come by, opportunity for lower income people does not exist and therefore kids are forced to do something they may or may not want. Angre Agassi is a perfect example ( you should read his book) with a father from Iran which resembles he same political and economic opportunities as eastern countries. In the end why bother with dedicating a life to become a general when the odds of that happening are closer to 0.001%. A little elementary math will help you conclude, you can be a lawyer, doctor, engineer, etc and make a lot of money without needing to kill anyone. This is the beauty of America. Which we all love, and if we don’t have an american champion, so be it. However, I can tell you Sharapova is an American in her way of living, thinking, acting and doing. we are very proud she learned that all here in the good old USA
I agree Javier. In the U.S. we have so many options to live a great successful life. Many players and parents figure out the odds of becoming a successful professional player and many times invest their money into the child’s education. There’s nothing wrong with that, but players who want to earn a living at tennis need to know that it is a big risk but anything worth while trying to become the worlds best is a big risk. There are many ways to reduce that risk which is what I discuss with the players I train and their parents. Players who have one thought of becoming a professional and that one thought is brought to the courts day in and day out from a young age with very tough discipline training have the best chance of becoming successful.
A lot of truth in there Todd. You definitely need a push from home. The term “crazy” should qualified to read “crazy good” or “crazy bad”. We all know or should know the odds to being an elite player whether in juniors, college or professionally are pretty long. You got to be a little nutty to spend the amounts of time, energy and money required to be that good at anything really. It’s funny how so often these comment boxes turn into “what’s wrong with American tennis”…….
I’m not sure Nick was trying to say Russians do it better but I do think he missed the point of the article. And at the end of the day you can only be as good as you can be right. You may be able to over achieve considering ones athleticism, talent or opportunities. I think his point was if you want to reach the top you have to want to be the best. Not that you have to “kill” to be successful or reach the top.
Be the best you can be does not mean just just do what you can. I suppose it depends on how you interpret it or apply it. Pretty sure Todd was saying you have to bust you butt to have a chance to be good.
If we want to see more Americans in the top 100 of the game then we need more Americans playing tennis. Once that happens and the ones that are playing now we need the best ones playing each other more often in uber competitive formats.
But don’t think your going to be financially successful as a lawyer, doctor or an engineer without similar character traits as it takes to be a top tennis player. There’s no “free lunch” in anything you choose to be good at.
Very nice Robert. The purpose of the article is to explain that there is usually a tough parent or “crazy” parent involved in the process of having their child become a high level tennis player. If our readers would like to discuss the problems with tennis in this country, I would need lots of hours and the material would be the size of a novel.
Todd – Great read from a coach that really gets it! I miss our courtside chats. I always learned something from our conversations. Great to hear you analyze matches of your players.
As for crazy… In my world, “crazy” means passion. Passion is primo as long as expectations are managed properly. If they’re not, parents risk entering the danger zone and junior ends up leaving the sport.
As for American tennis, we’re fine. I think many over analyze the ATP rankings and place blame on the system. Who was the last Frenchmen to win a singles slam? Noah. Does that mean tennis is failing in France? Absolutely not. Tennis is cyclical and there will be another wave of Americans. rember, we have a 17 year old playing in the French Open.
Off my “crazy” soapbox.
Thanks for chiming in Todd!
Good to hear from you George. I enjoyed our conversations at some of the tournaments over the last couple of years. You and your family are class acts and I’m looking forward to seeing your child take his game to the highest level of tennis. Exciting times!!!
This article is spot on. You don’t have to be”crazy” but one parent does have to be involved. The word isn’t “crazy”, it’s “disciplined”. I totally agree that the soft parents will generally have less hard-core strong tennis kids. I see it all over. It’s no guarantee but it’s a vital factor.
That being said, the truly “crazy” parents give tennis a bad name. They think their kid is better and don’t have any objectivity towards the opponents. One time we had a court reserved for practice (shared, setup by the tournament) at the National HardCourts. It turned out the my child’s next opponent was sharing the same court for practice. The father wouldn’t move to let us on the court to share it. Ridiculous. I never wanted my child to win a match more, needless to say. Thankfully she did.
Nice post JJ. People lose perspective about what this game is all about. In my opinion its about learning how to do many different aspects of the game the right way and always trying to improve and where this great game takes you is where it takes you. It needs to be fun most importantly. If the coach and parents manage the player well, the skills and disciplines acquired from tennis can carry over into other aspects of the players life after tennis which is priceless.